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Possibly. There is some evidence that assigning failure to things outside our control may be useful for maintaining self esteem and motivation. An example is when someone says Oh, the rain ruined the event, then adds, Ill have to plan for that next time. The truth is, though, that many would just blame the rain without adding the second part of the thought. Losing The Blame Game Focusing on outside factors that contribute to our problems de-motivates us. Even if it was true that a friend made you late for an interview and you lost the job, it just cant help to dwell on it. When you do so, you just feel like giving up, dont you? What can you do then? Two things. 1. Learn Your Lessons. 2. Take Responsibility. If, for example, it was an accident on the part of your friend, you just let it go. If your friend is always late, however, you note that. Now you tell yourself, Ill get a ride with someone else next time, or Ill plan to be there thirty minutes early and Ill have a back-up plan. Its one thing to recognize when others do something wrong, or storms rain on your parade. Its another thing - a useless thing - to persist in blaming outside factors for where you are in life. If someone stole all your money, they did you wrong, but dont persist in blaming as your ongoing response. Ask yourself what you can do to make more, and to keep it from being stolen again. Always focus on what YOU can do, not on what others have done. Subtle Blame Ah, but the blame game can be a subtle one. There is a fine line between the necessary recognizing of problem factors and giving control to them. If a person gains weight easily, they have to recognize that fact. Repeating that fact to oneself or others, however, is usually a subtle way of saying, My body type is to blame, so theres nothing I can do. To overcome this tendency, include what YOUR decisions are when talking about outside factors. Follow, John just depresses me, with but I choose to spend time with him. Say My parents screwed me up, but add thats why Im working to change my beliefs. Have you ever known someone that subtly blames the world for his problems, but never seems to recognize his own contribution to his problems? How happy and successful is he? Everyone of us could think of dozens of people and things that have caused us problems in our lives. Who and what are they? Who cares?! What are are we going to do about it? Thats the important question. Have you ever seen someone blame their way to success? Its time to give up the blame game. |
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