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And so far the worry has been all our own. We havent told anyone else about our impending baby because, quite frankly, I dont think either of us fully believes that my wife is actually pregnant. Sure, shes moody all the time and has had an inexplicable food cravings and shes taken to complaining about how bloated and fat she feels, but really, thats no different than how shes acted for the for the five years that Ive known her. And I still married her. Right now our baby is not really a he or a she as much as an it in our minds. Weve been reading a lot of these baby websites and a lot of these sites compare our babys current size to various pieces of fruit. The message eventually changes as the pregnancy moves forward, so one week the baby site will proclaim Your baby is now the size of a sesame seed! and a week or two later well read Your baby is now the size of a raisin! If these baby sites had their way wed all measure our own size compared to various items from the produce aisle. Id stand 8.4 carrots tall and when I stepped on the scale it would read like a slot machine and report my weight as in at 250 pumpkins, two oranges and three cherries. So every day I check these sites and every day Im reminded that our baby is only the size of a grape. I dont mind telling you that its hard to feel very attached to a grape...and it isnt even a fully developed grape. Its not like my wife has a little grape-sized person in her. No, right now she has a little pink squishy thing that, really, looks kinda like a...well....a squished grape. Our baby is only beginning to grow organs, so its not like we have a whole lot in common with our very, very, very little offspring. I mean, Im a not a very complex guy but I still like to relax with a TV remote in one hand and a beer in the other. Right now our baby doesnt have hands to hold the remote or even a liver to process the beer. This is all still so unreal to us that my wife and I are also still trying to find the best way to even talk about the whole idea of being pregnant. The phrase were pregnant makes it sound as though were some sort of bisexual Siamese twin sharing one body and committing unspeakable acts of fornication on ourselves. Shes the one whos pregnant and Im the guy who did it (or so she claims). Weve struggled with ways of referring to the pregnancy situation and so far weve used phrases like knocked up, expecting, got a bun in the oven, infiltrated, violated, and even been slimed. I think well have to filter out a few of those when it finally comes time to announce the news to our families. So thats where we are in this whole baby-making process. The baby has been made, but its still a pretty gooey, tiny thing that doesnt really have much personality and even less mass. Im sure this whole fatherhood thing is going to change my life, but right now Im just not feeling it. I have, however, sworn off eating grapes. At least until our baby grows up... to be the size of a lime. |
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