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1. If you stop working youll have more time to devote to reading my articles, columns, and lists. This will enable me to become a household name down at the Unemployment and Welfare offices. My fame is a small price to pay for you living your dreams. Think about this when you see me on the Today Show. 2. Quitting your job will make you feel wonderful. For about 10 minutes youll be on cloud nine, youll be on top of the world, youll be living the good life, youll be: -insert your own cliche here-. Then youll start worrying about the car note, the mortgage, the kids school clothes, groceries, and how youre going to pay that $850 you owe the Petermanns for running over their mailbox and a whole row of prize-winning azaleas. All this will probably depress you to the point of assisted suicide, but at least you had 10 minutes of freedom. 3. Daytime television is some of the most exciting and captivating television around. Youll wonder how you ever survived without all those quality soap operas, daytime talk shows, and judge shows where you get the sinking suspicion that the judge has been paid off. When you combine this with all the informative commercials that air during the daytime that will Show you how to make $1,000 a day stuffing envelopes, Teach you to drive a tractor trailer in 4 days, Allow you to get a degree from home in such exciting fields as GED preparation and septic tank scrubber and youll not only wonder why you didnt quit your job sooner, youll also vow to never work again. 4. In your formerly employed state you missed all those important calls from collection agencies and other bill collectors. Now that you have quit your job youll be able to sit at home in eager anticipation of these oh-so-important calls. Toss in a few telemarketers, calls from the Sheriffs Association asking for donations, and a few of those computers that call you and ask you to Hold for an important message and youll have a full day of just answering the phone. It will be like having a full-time job all over again, without all the hassle of getting a paycheck. 5. Dragging yourself out of bed every morning at 5:45 a.m. cant be good for your health. Your doctor will proud of you for caring enough about your bodys well-being to go as far as quitting your job. He will not, however, see you as a patient anymore because you no longer have health insurance. But theres no need to worry, after all thats why we have free clinics. Sitting all day in a damp clinic waiting room next to two teenagers with stage 3 Chlamydia is yet another experience you would have missed out on if you had kept your day job. There you have it folks. 5 reasons why you should immediately go out and quit your job. Feel free to quote any of these reasons to your employer when you turn in your two weeks notice. If she wants to know where you came across such valuable information tell her that a unselfish friend of humanity supplied them to you free of charge, and all I asked in return was that you remember me next time you need your septic tank scrubbed... |
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