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细节展开切忌泛泛（两篇文章的对比）
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广告招租，e-mail:yesize@hotmail.com Issue 47/280 "With the growth of global networks in such areas as economics and communication, there is no doubt that every aspect of society---including education, politics, the arts, and the sciences---will benefit greatly from international influences." 原先trees曾经点评过这个题目的一篇范文（来自嘉文博译），主要是点评了细节展开 的写法。我们在前几次的每日一评中也曾经点评过另外一篇细节展开的优秀文章。这一 次返过头来，看看老外280里面116的写法，然后和嘉文博译的版本比较一下： I agree that the globalization of economic and communication networks will heighten international influences in all four of the areas listed. However, while those influences will no doubt benefit education and the sciences, the nature of those influences on the arts and on politics will probably be a mixed one（这里好像少个逗号） beneficial in some respects yet detrimental in others. 表述观点，用词很得体。下文就沿着预先设立的线路铺展开： The dearest and most immediate beneficiaries of international influences are students. When students learn more about other cultures, systems of government, religions, and so forth, they advance their knowledge and grow in their understanding of humanity--which is, after all, the final objective of education. Emerging distance-learning technologies, made practicable now by the Internet, will no doubt carry an especially profound international influence on education. Distance learning will permit a class of students located all over the world to video-conference simultaneously with a teacher and with one other, thereby enlivening and enriching educational experiences.这个段落并不出色，相反，有一些问题。第一句认为 students are the most immediate beneficiaries，第二句试图解释并支持第一句 （但第二句本身就是需要被支持的），而distance learning和前面两句基本没有什么 联系，这在organization上面就比较失败了，而相应的reasoning方面是不可能成为 insightful的。 The sciences clearly benefit from international influences as well. After all, principles of physics, chemistry, and mathematics know no political boundaries; thus a useful insight or discovery can come from a researcher or theorist anywhere in the world. Accordingly, any technology that enhances global communication can only serve to advance scientific knowledge. For example, astronomers can now transmit observational data to other scientists throughout the world the instant they receive that data, so that the entire global community of astronomers can begin interpreting that data together in a global brainstorming session. The sciences also benefit from multi-national economic cooperation. Consider, for instance, the multi-national program to establish a human colony on the Moon. This ambitious project is possible only because participating nations are pooling their economic resources as well as scientific talents. 这一段的 organization就比上一段好多了：从after all到accordingly再到for example和 also，很顺畅，而语意上前后也是连续的，符合特征词的引导关系，但是论证上仍然不 够深入。 With respect to the arts, however, the speaker’s claim is far less convincing. It might seem that if artists broaden their cultural exposure and real-world experience their art works would become richer and more diverse. However, the logical consequence of increasing international influence on the arts is a homogenous global culture in which art becomes increasingly the same. The end result is not only a chilling effect on artistic creativity, but also a loss of cultural identity, which seems to be an important sociological and psychological need. 可惜没有实例，否则是很 精彩的段落：论点已经很到位了，就差下一步的展开。我想“全球化导致本土艺术流 失”之类的例子应该还是比较好找的。 The impact of global networking on political relations might turn out to be a mixed one as well. Consider, for instance, the current unification of Europe’s various monetary systems. Since Europe’s countries are become economically interdependent, it would seem that it would be in their best interests to cooperate politically with one another. However, discord over monetary policy might result in member countries withdrawing from the Community, and in a political schism or other falling out. Consider also the burgeoning global communications network. On the one hand, it would seem that instant face-to-face communication between diplomats and world leaders would help avert and quell political and military crises. By the same token, however, global networking renders any nation’s security system more vulnerable. This point is aptly illustrated by a recent incident involving a high-ranking Pentagon official who stored top-secret fries on his home computer, which was connected to the Internet without any firewall precautions. Incidents such as this one might prompt the world’s governments to become more protective of their sovereignty, more insular, and even paranoid.可以看出来对两个例子本身的笔墨耗费相当多，但是例子之上的分 析并不够，总体论证仍然不够深入。我们原来不止一次看到过一句话搞定的贴切例子, 相比而言反差还是不小的。 In sum, growing international influences that result naturally from global communications and economic networks can only serve to facilitate education and to advance scientific knowledge. However, although the same influences no doubt will have an impact on the arts and on international politics, the speaker’s claim that those influences will be beneficial is dubious, or at least premature, given that global networking is still in its nascent stages. 仍然是个眉毛胡子一把抓的结尾。 这篇文章和原先点评的那篇，同样是细节展开的，文章，从论证深入这个方面差距不 小。我把原先的那篇文章中一个段落贴过来，我们有必要思考和讨论一下：论证展开— —差距到底体现在哪里？这个问题留给大家，希望通过讨论我们能够找出解读关于论证 展开的线索。 另外附上嘉文博译版本的文章，大家也可以对两篇文章进行比较，分析彼此的优点和不 足： The increasing globalization of telecommunications and the rising interdependency of the economies of the various countries of the world cannot be denied. News and other information can be transmitted around the world in a matter of seconds. Banks in hundreds of different countries can almost instantaneously transfer money to almost any other bank in the world. As these global networks become even further developed, the world will become even "smaller" than it is today. While there is no doubt that most aspects of society can and probably will benefit from these interconnections, there is doubt as to whether all aspects of society will benefit greatly from international influences. Education probably has the greatest opportunity to benefit from these global networks. Students’ access to the Internet and the World Wide Web brings an endless supply of information from all over the world. In-depth research on any subject can be done now while simply sitting at a computer rather than by tedious searches through stacks of books or rolls of microfilm in a library. Real-time international exchanges of ideas and information can and do occur by linking schools across the globe through teleconferencing via live video satellite transmissions. It is possible that a student in the United States can "sit in" on a class at a university in China. The possible benefits for education are endless and constantly expanding as global communications continue to improve and become less expensive. The sciences also stand to gain tremendous benefits from global networks. Research and development departments of a company in one country can instantaneously transmit information to all other R&D departments in the company worldwide. Medical research and information can be shared worldwide, reducing the amount of time it takes to make rapid advances in medicine as efforts no longer have to be duplicated by each individual researcher. All kinds of scientific knowledge and information can be quickly shared, tested and refined through joint efforts by scientists linked by global networks. Again, as with education, the potential benefits of a global scientific network are constantly growing and unlimited in scale. With the field of politics, it becomes a little less certain on the subject of potential benefits. On the one hand, the people of most countries now have direct access to the people of other countries via email, instant messenger services and chatrooms and thus can find out about the political environments and conditions of almost every other country in the world. This could potentially lead to great advances in democracy as more people demand to have a voice in their governmental representation. On the other hand, governments may see this as a threat to their power and strive to eliminate access to these types of communications, which would clearly not be a benefit to the population as a whole. As for the arts and culture in general, global networks may actually be more of a threat than a benefit. Although fans of the arts now have greater access to the arts and cultures of other countries than ever before, this could lead to a type of "globalization" or homogenization of the arts by creating an international standard that could potentially eliminate cultural artistic differences in the future. As one example, the French government mandated that only a limited amount of information could be broadcast in English in an effort to preserve French culture and language. It would seem to be a natural progression for the arts and culture to actually lose national identity as global networks become more widespread. Almost all aspects of society probably stand to benefit from the rapid growth of global networks. In general, the more that people are connected to each other, the greater the chances are that they will learn to understand each other. But in the rush to understand and communicate with each other, it is important that individuals do not lose those unique cultural characteristics that make them different than everyone else.
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